Orange Inevitabilities of Life
by uncoordinatedhippogriff
Summary: After the war, Naruto assumes that life will return back to normal. But a small misplaced pebble, an intergalactic rip and the sudden disappearance of a certain organ decides otherwise. Oh, and Sasuke is now a rabid fanboy trying to win the hand of Aburame Shino. Lighthearted fluff, more for humour than anything.


**Hey guys, I was hit by another plot bunny recently - if this opening chapter shows interest, I'm definitely going to continue the story, if it doesn't... I may still do it because I can think of _so so_ many brilliant ways to tortu- have fun with this!**

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 **The Odd Insanity Called The Life of Naruto: Chapter 1**

Naruto breathed out a sigh of relief. The fight against Uchiha Madara and the remnants of the Akatsuki had finally ceased, and Konoha could now focus on healing the injured and repairing the village. Out of the five great shinobi villages, Kumo had fared the least damage, though they had lost the Raikage, A, and their Hachibi jinchūriki, Killer B. Kiri had suffered the worst, with half their population decimated and their village almost beyond repair.

From his prime spot on the Hokage monument, the blond could overview the entirety of the village, framed against the setting sun as clouds began to clear the sky. Training Ground 44, The Forest of Death, was slowly being repaired and brought back to life by Tenzō. The Hokage Tower was swarmed by a crowd of builders and repairmen trying to rebuild everything from three metres higher. The Konoha Hospital was so overcrowded that people were having to line up and be treated as far as fifty metres from the entrance.

And yet, Naruto smiled. Underneath the weariness, fatigue and sharp features of the citizens of Konohagakure was the underlying emotion of relief, echoed along every face that he could see. It would be hard going, but eventually everything would be built back up and the overwhelming despair that had been apparent only two days ago would soon be forgotten.

 _Humans are resilient, ne Kurama?_

 ** _Pleh_** _,_ was his only response, and the blond snickered a little at the grumpy bijū.

Stretching his arms above his head, Naruto began his trek down the Monument to resume helping repairs, when his foot caught on a miniscule, round, hard object on the ground. Before he had time to react, the jinchūriki was flat on his back, eyes clenched shut, wind driven out of him.

 ** _Namikaze-Uzumaki Naruto, Jinchūriki of the Great Kyūbi, Future Rokudaime Hokage, Defeater of Uchiha Madara, Master of the Ramen-Talk, Inspiration to Nations, Son of the Yondaime Hokage and the Red-Hot Habanero, Apprentice to the Legendary Gama Sannin Jiraiya…_**

 _Shut up, Kurama._

 ** _… Defeated by a pebble._**

 _Shut up, Kurama._

 ** _Has anyone ever told you that you have very original comebacks, brat?_**

 _…_

 ** _Pleh._**

 _Shut up._

Naruto cut off the connection to the fox, and opened his eyes to a cream ceiling that was most definitely not the darkening clear skies above the Hokage Monument. Fighting off rising panic, he sat up to realise that he was sat in a bed, in a very, very familiar apartment.

Immediately shooting from the – now that he thought about it, extremely familiar – bed, the boy sprinted to touch the familiar walls, the familiar kitchen, the familiar instant ramen _in_ the kitchen, the familiar broken bathroom, the familiar dent on the right side of the familiar window, and slowly sunk down in the familiar chair at the familiar table in the familiar kitchen of the _very_ familiar apartment.

 _Kurama…_

 ** _What, brat?_**

He struggled to keep his panic – he just survived a bloody war goddamnit couldn't he have a break?! – in check, before strangling out a reply with a faux calm demeanour.

 _W-why, are we in my apartment… as it was_ before _I was a genin?_

 ** _I believe there's only one word as an answer, meat bag._**

 _What?_

 ** _Shit._**

Naruto remained sat at the table for a good half hour, trying not to pay attention to his shorter height, shorter limbs, thinner frame, the way his feet didn't completely touch the ground, the way his forehead felt bare without the hitae-ate, the way his long blond hair wouldn't stop getting in his – wait. Long blond hair. _Long_ blond hair. Since when was his hair long enough for a fringe to brush his chin?!

Running again from the familiar kitchen to the familiar bathroom to stand in front of a familiar sink to look in a familiar mirror Naruto found himself staring at a most definitely, _un_ familiar face.

He let out a shriek – and no, he wouldn't not admit that it was a girlish shriek, even under Itachi's Tsukuyomi – and fled to the number one safest place in the whole world. Under his bed. Except after fruitless attempts of trying to shove his head in the nonexistent gap, he resolved that he _couldn't_ actually fit. So he had to resort to the next best place. _On_ his bed under the sheets.

When he – because _he_ wasn't going to think of _him_ self as anything other – was finally secure in a cocoon of blankets, Naruto hesitantly reached out for Kurama.

 _What the hell is happening?!_

The only reply he received was a roaring anger and clanging of chains. **_I see my jailer has finally decided to reveal herself._**

Oh, hell no. Naruto took a deep, shuddering breath.

Okay, he could deal with this. He just needed to breath. In, out. In, out. Right, this was fine. He had just somehow managed to find his way back to his apartment during his Academy days, Kurama had forgotten everything that had ever happened and he was… he was… a _girl_.

"Narutoooooo, where are you?!"

Slowly, the blond retreated from his blankets, cautiously poking his head from the security of the cocoon. At least his name appeared to be the same. He jolted sharply when the front door smashed open – _damn he had to redo the seals_ – and framed in the doorway in a good guy pose, teeth glittering, a bag of what smelled like many many bentos dangling from one hand was…

"Neji?"

"My eternal rival!"

Naruto promptly fainted.

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 **Hope you enjoyed, please review and criticize!**

 **~ JC**


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